I Love Burger King!

Of all the burgers that I have ever consumed... nothing compares to burger king.

This establishment has existed since man was born in pune.... and i sometimes think that the entire city of pune was created around burger king. Burger King is not for those easily offended. 

LEARN TO SAY NO WITH BURGER KING!

Dollywood

2010 will forever be immortalized in the annals of history as the year which introduced the femme fatale Dolly Bindra

The idea for the hit movie Predator was created when Dolly Bindra decided to do this

AND HENCE THE PREDATOR WAS BORN

After the stunning success of the DB inspired predator, Dolly Bindra has managed to create an entire genre of horror movies called Dollywood.

Hollywood has ranked Dolly Bindra as the seventh best horror film of 2010, calling it "one of the great science fiction horror films, often imitated, but never properly duplicated, not even by its own sequel."

Cricket & India

For years i have been racking my brains.... why is cricket so popular in India? I mean there were other sports ... hockey for e.g which had infinite opportunity way back.... but how did cricket come to be so popular. Before we start, the most popular sport of a country says a lot about who we are... take for example the most popular sport in USA ... Rugby... bloody & physical game... you need to be built like a truck -  limited brains but unlimited muscles will get u far in this game, there is one rule "seek & destroy", just like the USA policies... if someone as much as farts war is declared...seek and destroy... 

UK - Soccer - Very "feets" on game, you need to be good at juggling & dodging balls with your feet.At the slighest hint of physicality cry foul..... Just like UK juggles big bro USA...... the moment its security is threatened.... it conveniently "joins" the war on global terrorism.......

Somalia/Ethopia - Long distance running - the citizens of this country can do little more than run... run from oppression, run from famines, run from poverty...... run lola run...

and Now INDIA.... cricket..... why is cricket so popular?.... because india is basically a country of lazy individuals which abhors physical hard work of any kind... cricket was invented because you could now have a game which requires the least amount of physical effort playing it...

Bowlers - 10 overs each, each over lasting around 15 minutes.... so approximately 2.5 hours body movements... with 5 minute breaks between each ball bowled AND 15 - 20 minute breaks between each over bowled

Batsmen - Max 1 hour on the field... again with breaks in between lasting from anything between 5 minutes to 30 minutes

Fielders - there is a 1/9th ( 11 - 1 ( Bowler ) - 1 ( wicket keeper ) = 9 fielders ) probability that you may get the ball . ie an 11% chance that you may be called upon to move your leg and arm muscles for 2 to 3 minutes... assuming a 4 hour session thats just 26 minutes of work

Cricket is probably the only game in this world where the spectators viewing the game actually do more physical hardwork than the players PLAYING  the game..... 

  

 

 

Laptops..... great way to look busy

After an indepth analysis of "corporate" culture..... i have come to the conclusion that laptops were invented because senior management ran out of ideas to look busy. A presence of a laptop within typing distance automatically makes you look like a manager who has been designing strategies since you were an egg in your moms womb.

Notice how many senior managers ALWAYS work on a laptop inspite of having other options, while those actually getting their feet dirty have a computer that is just marginally more evolved than a calculator.

Any work done on a laptop is deemed to be of vital importance to the "strategic" plans of the company, even if it means 8 solid hours of back to back solitaire.

Now you needn't worry about watching porn on your laptop .... just keep your hand movements below "vigorous" and you are safe.... extended laptop usage might also just win you the employee of the month award and a promotion!!!

Chal gotta go, boss has surfaced from HIS laptop...... which means  i have a small time window, in which i need to exhibit actions that communicate the message that i am hard at work........ :-)   

is there anything called the seven wonders?

I am sure most of you must have received in some fashion messages from various mediums ( tv,radio,email,sms etc ) urging you to vote for the taj mahal so that it gets included in the list of seven wonders.... it got me wondering...wasnt the taj already in the list of the seven wonders??? then why the hell does the media require us indians to vote on its inclusion...... is the taj competing for its very survival? i smelt a fish somewhere....so i investigated and found something very interesting indeed....taj was not on the seven wonders list ever!! in fact there is no concrete list of the seven wonders at all! everything that we know about the seven wonders is all speculation and is based on unverified lists sourced from various manuscripts.... in any case taj is not mentioned in any of these lists

Our modern understanding of the seven wonders is a media campiagn promoted by a swiss based for profit corporation called the New Open World Corporation promoted by a Swiss Businessman called Bernard Weber...ever year they come out with some list listing seven wonders based on paid and free votes. The first vote is free to registered members and additional votes may be purchased through a payment to NOWC. In addition to the sale of votes, NOWC relies on private donations, the sale of merchandise such as shirts and cups, and revenue from selling broadcasting rights.

According to the NOWC milestones page, Swiss businessman Bernard Weber launched the project in September 1999. By November 24, 2005, 177 monuments were up for consideration. To be included on the new list, the wonders had to be man-made, completed before 2000, and in an "acceptable" state of preservation. On January 1, 2006, the NOWC said the list had been narrowed to 21 sites, In addition to free votes, votes can be bought from NOWC by any individual, organization or government. As explained in its Terms and Conditions, NOWC "reserves the right at its absolute discretion to exclude [any] votes" that are cast.
The final list is planned to be announced on July 7, 2007, or 07.07.07, in Lisbon, Portugal, in the Estádio da Luz, Benfica's stadium.

So basically the money that we spend in sms'ing , phoning directly goes to the swiss government in creating a stupid list that is anyways going to be revised in a years time!!!

The swiss think like marwaris man! stupid fucking gullible people..... imagine the billions of rupees that are gonna be made on this scam campaign..tch tch tch...

The least respected job in the world

black, pot bellied, a face that looks like earth after an asteroid hit.... lo and behold its the puneri mama!! ( traffic policeman), the worst that you can do as a human being. If there was a food chain then mamas wud figure right after tadpoles. As a profession directing traffic on pune roads is not exactly a happy job..... i mean a doorknob gets more respect than a mama. Why would anyone want to stand at a traffic signal for 10 hours inhaling diesel fumes? beats the hell outta me! u can beg and earn more money rite? a little introspection and it hits me ... there is another job that is truly more humiliating and demeaning than the job profile of a pune based traffic poilceman... that of an icici telecaller.... if a mama figures after tadpoles in the pecking order then the icici telecaller is the absolute last rung in the foodchain.. figuring rite after sand and volcanic rocks.....being a telecaller in this bank is like trying to get outta quicksand... if you dont struggle you sink.. if you struggle you sink faster... either ways you are dead! makes you wanna legalise euthanasia.... if i had more money than the loose change i make rite now.. i would create a fund for these poor unfortunate souls.....

Snappy answers to stupid questions!

Life is a collection of patterns that are more or less stable....... a keen observer of life will quickly realise that most things we do repeat. In that sense life is predictable, we get locked into a routine and then let it take over....... this has led me to believe that the only way to experience the new is to occasionally do things that break and disintegrate this pattern that rules our lives.... one such event is marriage..... this is a phenomenon definitely not for the weak hearted.... especially in india where this process of unison is intricate & complex...... in fact the process has a mind of its own...... there is a script & rule for everything and everyone...... right from the color of the sarees to be worn by the bride to the timing of the event.....

One such script , specific to arranged marriages, is the proper protocol to be followed during the first meeting of the guy & the girl.... if anyone is interested in how a caged animal feels while passerbys stare & throw peanuts at it... then here is an apt analogy. For those uninitiated arranged marriages is a concept where the girl & guy meet in a controlled environment and ask each other nonsensical questions like "what do you like in an ideal boy?" or " do you believe in love?"....do you believe in love!!! jesus.h.christ !! what if the answer is no? will it impact your likelihood of saying yes? what if the answer is yes? will it impact the likelihood of saying no?

Snappy answers to stupid questions :

G : Do you believe in love?
B : Er....Depends on how rich your dad is.....

G : Will you let me work?
B : No, I am looking for a washing machine but its too expensive, you come much cheaper

B : Can you cook?
G : Yes, i can boil water

B : You are slightly plump, will you thin down in the future?
G : no, i will thin up

B : I am deeply religious.Are you a religious person?
G : I like people who pray before i kick their butt

G : Do you like Shah Rukh Khan? Isnt he cute?
B : Yes, i regularly have intercourse with him

G : I have never travelled in anything less than a car..will you buy me a car?
B : No, my family has always travelled on donkeys... have you seen the latest donkey launched by ferrari? man those hooves are to die for!

And the story continues to its logical end.........hehehehehehe